Stories are written by people who don’t necessarily work or study in fields related to sexology. They convey emotions, perceptions, and subjective perspectives. Opinions voiced in the stories are those of their authors, and in no way represent the position of Les 3 sex*.

Ce témoignage est aussi disponible en français [➦].

Translated by Gabrielle Baillargeon-Michaud.

I hesitated for a while to share this testimony, believing my experiences weren’t worse than what many endure daily. However, I decided to speak out, hoping to help others in similar situations recognize that their experiences are not normal.

If my story can give someone the push I needed to break free, then writing it was worthwhile.

At 15, I was exploring my identity, unsure of my desires in life—a common state at that age. My self-esteem was particularly low then. I was plagued by acne, oily hair, excess body hair, I was flat as a board—name a flaw, I had it, and felt utterly alone in my struggles.

Yet, a boy my age showed interest in me. He wasn’t just any boy; he was attractive, charismatic, and popular. We were together for nearly six years… Wow!

From the outside, we seemed to have it all. I was often told how lucky I was, that we were THE perfect couple. Some even said if we ever split, they would lose faith in love.

In retrospect, that placed an immense burden on us.

Privately, he was a different person. I won’t divulge everything; it would take me too long. It’s also important to note that my loved ones, those who care for me, were unaware of what happened behind closed doors.

I made sure to conceal it, and he was even more diligent.

During this relationship, I nearly lost all my self-esteem. I say nearly because the small part that remained empowered me to leave. The last vestige of self-love urged, “Get out, you deserve better—you know it. Leave before it destroys you.”

Initially, everything seemed perfect, yet the relationship soon devolved into psychological and verbal abuse, and occasionally, physical violence. I concealed it all.

In my opinion, psychological abuse is the most destructive yet subtlest form of domestic violence.

It infiltrated every aspect of our relationship, including our sexual life.

Our sex life was lacklustre as I had lost all confidence in my body and myself.

He criticized my body, pressured me to lose weight.

He accused me of wearing makeup to attract other men.

He compared me to others, saying things like, “at least she is thin.”

I changed my hair colour frequently to cater to his ever-changing preferences. I followed grueling fitness regimes and restricted myself from enjoying my favourite foods.

He adamantly opposed using condoms, claiming he disliked them. He threatened that insisting on condoms would end our sexual relationship, which he claimed wouldn’t be a great loss.

He warned that if I accidentally got pregnant, he would leave, regardless of whether I chose to have an abortion or not. I suffered from painful intercourse, but his desires took precedence over my pain.

I vividly recall the moment I lost what remained of my sexual self-esteem. It had been over two months without intimacy, so I bought some lingerie, feeling pretty in blue lace that flattered my body. I dressed up for him, but his reaction was utterly disheartening—he laughed dismissively.

His scornful laugh and condescending gaze crushed me as he said, “Is that all you think about?” He then ignored me to watch TV, leaving me stunned at the door. From then on, I never attempted intimacy again.

When I finally escaped that toxic relationship, I was shattered.

Rebuilding self-esteem is a long journey, but IT IS POSSIBLE.

My current boyfriend has significantly supported my recovery, but ultimately, healing comes from within.

What I want people to take away from my story is that it is possible to get out of these situations. That they are worth more than that and that they can rebuild themselves.

I share my story, even though I thought it rather unremarkable at first, in hopes that it may help someone realize they deserve better.