Stories are written by people who don’t necessarily work or study in fields related to sexology. They convey emotions, perceptions, and subjective perspectives. Opinions voiced in the stories are those of their authors, and in no way represent Les 3 sex* position.

Ce témoignage est aussi disponible en français [➦].

Translated by Florence Bois-Villeneuve.

Elodie is a 28-year-old woman from France, living a single and childfree lifestyle, and has no desire to change this. This is also a must in her search for a partner: no matter how handsome or clever they may be, if they want children, it’s a no-no!

Having children is often seen as an achievement. I don’t partake in this ideology: having children is not a requirement for a happy or successful life.

For at least a decade now, I’ve known that I don’t want children. First and foremost, having a child feels limiting to me: less time for myself, lifestyle changes, loss of career momentum, and so on.

My lack of desire for a child stems from the many health problems in my family. I can’t conceive naturally (the doctors were quite clear about this, since I have endometriosis). Should I undergo treatment only to possibly spend years trying to get pregnant, and then have to worry about getting sick and being unable to take care of the child or provide for them? This is unfathomable to me.

When I was diagnosed with endometriosis, I was in the process of trying to have my tubes tied, a decision I eventually backed down from. The process can be a struggle: frequently being turned down by health professionals, then having to consult a therapist, then having to wait four months (by law) between the health professional’s agreement and the actual procedure, and so on. This led me to wonder why it’s so difficult to have the freedom to choose what we want for our bodies, for the sake of our own well-being.

Other factors should also be taken into account when deciding whether or not to have children. I wonder if having children nowadays really is a good idea. What does the future really hold for us? Given the various economic issues and the climate crisis, what kind of future can we really look forward to? Should we raise a child in unstable political and social circumstances? In a climate that’s deteriorating? For those of us who have been on Earth for some time, the path has already been mapped out, but what will be left for the next generations? Not to mention the global conflicts afflicting many countries. So many people are already affected by these misfortunes, who’s to say we’re shielded from them? 

I think there are already too many of us on this planet. Earth Overshoot Day—the date every year where we begin consuming more natural resources and emitting more greenhouse gases than the Earth can produce and absorb—is now happening in late July/early August (Global Footprint Network, 2018). Can you imagine what will happen a hundred years from now, in an even more densely populated world?

Perhaps I am putting forward these arguments, seen as invalid by a great many more people than we can imagine, only to justify my choice to myself. In 2019, it’s a hard choice to explain as a woman living in a developed country. For many people, having children is the next logical step in life. For me, it’s anything but: it feels like a burden more than anything else.

I intend to live my life the way I want to, not the way people want me to.