Stories are written by people who don’t necessarily work or study in fields related to sexology. They convey emotions, perceptions, and subjective perspectives. Opinions voiced in the stories are those of their authors, and in no way represent the position of Les 3 sex*.

Ce témoignage est aussi disponible en français [➦].

Translated by Florence Bois-Villeneuve.

I study sexualities. 

When asked what my profession is by friends, at dinner parties or by new acquaintances, I answer, somewhat provocatively: “sex.” I am deeply interested in how individuals meet, engage with their sexualities, and express their love. My curiosity encompasses both new and old pleasures, various forms of partnership, and traditional and emerging practices—which all spark within me an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and a boundless desire to understand.

Sociologist of sexualities: a peculiar profession for many!

Sociology is often either misunderstood or provokes mixed reactions, ranging from accusations that academics categorize people too rigidly to claims that the discipline excuses certain behaviors. Therefore, blending this field with an area as intimate as sexualities, where love is anything but straightforward, presents challenges both from a personal perspective and a scientific one.

Sexuality and love frequently emerge during discussions and debates at social events, and they inspire various forms of artistic, literary, cinematic, or musical expressions. Yet, declaring that my primary focus is understanding how, why, and with whom people experience their intimacy often triggers varied reactions. While laughter is usually the first response, due to discomfort or to the oddness of the topic, it quickly gives way to curiosity. This curiosity can be supportive, showing genuine interest in my research, or sometimes skeptical, with some viewing the study of sexualities as potentially driven by unhealthy curiosity or veiled voyeurism.

“Why study that? That’s a little weird, no?” I am often asked.

For a long time, I believed this question and the perceived “strangeness” of studying this topic was influenced by religious views, conservative societal norms around sexuality, a general lack of understanding, or sheer prudishness.

It’s a paradox of our times: we are bombarded daily by near-pornographic images yet hesitant to educate students about sexuality in schools.

Over time, I no longer viewed the question as so outlandish. Studying love and sexualities is not straightforward. Everyone explores it in their way; the methods of experiencing pleasure are individual, and intimacy concerns only the individuals involved, regardless of their gender, origin, or religion. Therefore, the researcher’s legitimacy in probing into the intimus—the deepest aspects of human experience, as noted by philosopher François Jullien—is at best an errant curiosity and at worst a coercive intrusion that could misdefine what constitutes healthy or unhealthy sexuality.

What drives a researcher to delve into this field? What can be discovered both personally and societally?

The loud silence among researchers often speaks loudly. Throughout my studies, I encountered many sociologists eager to dismantle preconceived notions across a variety of fields yet reluctant when it comes to matters of love and sexuality. Meanwhile, texts where scholars reflect on their motivations and the reasons behind their focus on these topics are exceedingly rare. As sociologist Catherine Deschamps (2002) noted, to say that a researcher’s social background and trajectory influence both their thematic choices and their analytical approach seems like an obvious statement. However, many avoid delving into such biographical questions. Yet, exploring what motivates us—whether as sexologists, sociologists, psychologists, anthropologists, or curious minds—is crucial. Not to expose ourselves—our society already nudges us sufficiently in that direction—not out of an exhibitionist desire, but out of intellectual honesty and to illustrate why this field is both fascinating and vital.

Why did I choose to study sexualities? As a sociologist, I was interested in this domain perhaps because it encompasses all facets of human life. It involves norms, values, interactions, socialization, inequalities, and stigma. Understanding how society functions and how interactions among individuals occur are central questions in sociology. Sexuality fits perfectly within these inquiries.

Sexuality is influenced by a mix of sociological, psychological, anthropological, and physiological determinants, allowing individuals to feel their own and others’ bodies, to communicate and share not just pleasure but also emotions, feelings, and their perceptions of their environment.

Undoubtedly, it is the most universal language, present across all places, times, and cultures. I often say that sexuality, merely as a set of positions and techniques, holds little sociological interest. Understanding how people practise their sexuality is trivial in itself. However, exploring the implications within it, questioning the connections it fosters, interests me both as a sociologist and as someone deeply invested in these issues. Michel Foucault was right when he said in 1984: “Sexuality is part of our conducts. It is part of the freedom we enjoy in this world. It is something we create ourselves—much more than the discovery of a hidden aspect of our desire. We must understand that our desires facilitate the establishment of new forms of relationships, new kinds of love, and new creative forms. Sex is not a fate; it is a chance for creative life.” Beyond its relational aspect, sexuality also allows us to experience the otherness we sorely lack in our time. In a 2016 study on sex and gender education and its impact on the youth, these individuals were not inherently troubled by sexuality, which they each discovered at their own pace, but they questioned how to reach out to others, how to express their feelings, attention, and care. For many of the young people surveyed, sexuality potentially offered a means to achieve this, underscoring its pivotal role in our lives and societies.

Studying sexualities isn’t solely of societal interest. Personally, engaging with this topic has also been immensely helpful and fulfilling. As a youth and adolescent growing up in a family environment where these topics could be discussed, sexuality and love appeared as additional ways to experience others. I saw sexuality and love not as tools to fill a void, but as experiences to be embraced through a powerful and authentic relational mode, where everyone can let go of their public personas and reveal their true selves. As clothes come off, everyone is free to reveal another facet of themselves—sometimes more authentic, sometimes simply different.

It is perhaps no coincidence that we speak of “baring oneself” when we discuss opening up without guises.

Michel Foucault, once again, had poignant words regarding the act of sex: “Perhaps it should also be said that making love is feeling your body closing in on itself, finally existing outside of any utopia, with all its density, in the hands of another. Under the other’s fingers, all the invisible parts of your body start to exist; against the other’s lips, your lips begin to exist, become sensitive; before their half-closed eyes, your face gains certainty. Love, like the mirror and like death, quiets the utopia of your body, silences it, soothes it, encloses it like in a box, seals it. That’s why it is so closely related to the illusion of the mirror and the threat of death; and if, despite these two perilous figures that surround it, we so love making love, it’s because in love, the body is here.”

Exploring sexualities, various forms of love, and different ways of experiencing romantic narratives have opened new horizons for me. This journey has provided other ways of connecting with others, experiencing both differences and similarities, discussing countless aspects of daily life, and reflecting on myself—not to uncover my true nature, if such a thing exists, but to broaden my range of possibilities and relational resources. My studies, beyond discovering the positive aspects of sexualities, have made me aware of the vast inequalities our societies produce related to sexuality—violence against women, sexism, emotional or affective misery, homophobia, biphobia, and all forms of stigmatization that prevent individuals, regardless of their gender or background, from fully living their lives and their sexuality (or its absence) as they wish.

It would be easy to view the study of sexualities, whether in a clinical or academic setting, as merely a succession of rational elements, boxes to check, or a list of essential criteria for defining “true and good sexuality.”

Sexualities are plural and evolving, just as pleasures vary from one era to another based on events, cultural references, or the zeitgeist.

Although it is possible and necessary to study them through rigorous scientific methods, I believe it is essential not to render this field of study cold and devoid of charm but rather to consider how individuals live and embrace it. This reflects the concerns some people have about the risks that sociology—but this applies to any discipline—might pose to sexualities by confining them within too rigid a framework. 

If sexualities are a pleasure, a complex and fascinating human activity, maintaining this deeply human characteristic is both a professional and academic obligation. Because while sexualities allow us to discover ourselves and others, they are primarily a means of creating connections, shaping society, and fostering peaceful relationships between individuals.