Stories are written by people who don’t necessarily work or study in fields related to sexology. They convey emotions, perceptions, and subjective perspectives. Opinions voiced in the stories are those of their authors, and in no way represent the position of Les 3 sex*.

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Translated by Zoe Yarymowich

I had the pleasure of teaching sex ed in high schools for 25 years: as a substitute for personal and social development courses (defunct since 2003); as a substitute teacher when there was no meaningful work to be done; as a social studies teacher integrating sexuality into the Ministry of Education and Higher Education of Quebec (MELS) curriculum; and as a creator of sexuality education courses related to general areas of training (representing the major contemporary issues which young people will face, individually and collectively, in different spheres of their lives).

Here are some thoughts, observations, and tips on how to teach sex ed in high school based on my personal practice.

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In my experience, students are more receptive to sexual education that is taught by a teacher they know, who is available between classes to respond to their questions. Sexuality, as a subject, is embodied. Yet, schools often bring in specialists to teach it directly to students. Don’t get me wrong: I have nothing against sexologists, on the contrary. However, even the best sexologists that give a one-hour lesson and then disappear will not have the same long-term impact as a teacher who talks to their students about sexuality.

I think we need sexologists to teach teachers about sexuality, but it is the teachers who must then transmit the knowledge to their students.

The issue is not teaching sex ed: It’s how to do it. And who does it.

I have been giving lectures on the didactics of sexuality to undergrad scholars studying in education for a few years. The problem that I face is that although some of the students attend this conference to learn about teaching sex ed, most of them are there to learn about sexuality itself. This should not be surprising or shocking: in fact, the sexual education courses have all but disappeared in the school environment since the 2003 reform. Our young current and future teachers did not get sex education classes in school.

Getting to the Heart of the Matter

Too often, students are told that there will be classes on sexuality, when in reality, they will be talking about pregnancy, infections, prevention, sexual violence, etc. All of these subjects must be part of the courses, I’m not against it at all. However, the courses that are being taught are not what young people expect, which is to say, courses focused on sexual relations and everything that surrounds them; but rather courses on things that touch on sexuality, in one way or another, such as sexual violence have been put in place. For students, you “avoid” the subject. And they’re not wrong.

The Complex Issue of Sexual Identity

For years I have tried to teach about what sexual orientation is. I started with a class on homosexuality. Since I found the topic incomplete, I expanded it by giving a class on sexual identity. Nevertheless, each time, there was something wrong. All of this changed when I started to give classes on sexual identities. When I started teaching my students that there is not one sexual identity, but many. That identity is changeable over time and space. From that point on, I felt, among many of the students, a pressure drop. Understanding that you don’t have to choose a sexual identity, but that you must accept that this can change lifted an enormous weight.

Stimulating Scenarios

I think the times when students learn the most are when they are immersed in scenarios and it pushes them to respond as a large group. For example, I tell them a story about a couple where one of the members has sexual relations outside of the couple. This person admits it to their partner the next day. I then ask for a show of hands from those who, in the place of the partner who was “cheated on”, would have ended the relationship. I do the same by asking who would give the cheating partner another chance, then letting them speak to defend their point of view. I have fun playing devil’s advocate. Because in the end, there is no one right answer to this type of scenario. The discussions can take up to an hour of the class, without losing any of its meaning.

These moments are magical: the students, by expressing themselves in class, are trying to verify how much their colleagues agree with their point of view. They are comparing themselves. And it’s very important to realize, even when it comes to sexuality, that there is no clear-cut position. That “everything” is possible.

I am amazed each year to realize how students, even in the age of digital and special effects, take part in simple scenarios spoken aloud.

Defining What a Sexual Relation Is

Adolescents generally have a pretty clear idea of what heterosexual sexual relations are: vaginal penetration, sometimes with foreplay. However, when you ask them if kissing someone on the mouth or if sexting is a sexual act, the debate is practically unstoppable in class! And then, the students discover that even the very definition of sex is subjective, that their definition is not exactly the same as the eight billion other people on Earth. It’s about understanding that everyone must communicate with their sexual partners and talk about what sexual relations are for that other person.

The New Sex Education Program is Timid, too Timid

The new sex education program is a bit like some of the adults at my school: afraid to talk about sexuality, embarrassed to “tell it like it is”. You won’t find words like “pornography” or “prostitution” in this program, or at least not in the summarized version available online. There are only a few allusions.

If the MELS itself does not dare to write the word “pornography” in its official summary, how can adults in the school environment be expected to talk about it? I understand my colleagues who don’t want to stick their necks out when the ministry won’t do that itself, at least in the version that is currently available!

Pornography is generally the topic of the first sex education class I give my students. Indeed, it is by addressing pornography head-on that students understand that in my class we will actually talk about sexuality. That there will be no taboo subjects. I begin this class by saying that it is normal to want to consume pornography and that some people in the class may have this desire and that it can be quite healthy. By doing so, my students are willing to listen to me, because I don’t turn them against me from the start. This allows me to describe what a sexual relationship is like in a pornographic setting. Then they are free to decide afterwards if this fantasy is indeed their fantasy.

Sexuality, a Human Activity Like Any Other

We must put an end to the idea that sexuality is a “separate” activity. Sexual relations are a human activity like any other. To give it a separate place, outside the curriculum, outside of the “normal” framework of courses, to make teaching about sexuality a digression, is to continue to treat sexuality as a more or less welcomed creature in our schools.